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3 Misconceptions Your Kids Might Have About Suffering
Don’t Shield Them from Reality
As parents, we hope our children will never have to experience deep suffering. We would love for them to be protected from anything that could harm them. But when suffering inevitably comes, we sometimes try to shield our kids by pretending or covering up painful circumstances. We hope if they don’t know about bad things, they will grow up happy and hopeful.
Here’s the problem with this way of thinking: If we shield our kids from suffering, they may, in fact, grow up thinking nothing bad can happen to them. But one day they will come face to face with the reality of suffering. When that day comes, they may have been so shielded from it that it shakes the very core of their faith.
As a counselor, I work really hard to help families come to terms with the reality of their suffering as it is happening. I want parents and their children to develop a theologically rich understanding of God’s character and relationship with his children, and I believe painful circumstances afford us the opportunity to see him rightly and cling to him more tightly.
10 Questions About Pain and Suffering
Beth Broom
Presenting 10 questions in 30 readings on one important faith topic, this volume of the 10 Questions series helps young readers navigate their suffering, seek comfort in God, and help others in their distress.
Misconception #1: If I behave, bad things won’t happen.
When a child encounters suffering, he will naturally seek to understand it. If he doesn’t have access to an adult who can help him think rightly about his suffering, he may concoct some interesting beliefs about his suffering and about God. I commonly hear kids say they think that if they behave and do what they’re told, bad things won’t happen. I call this “Santa Claus Theology.” They think God will only bring good things to them if they always do what’s right. But this type of thinking creates two types of damage. First, it pressures the child toward religiosity and shame. The child can become trapped on the roller coaster of high expectations and low grace. Pretty soon the joy of relationship with God can be stifled by the obligation of obedience. And second, thinking that bad things don’t happen to good people demonstrates an inaccurate view of God. We know many of the Bible’s characters (including Jesus) experienced great suffering precisely because they obeyed God and turned away from evil. Our children need to learn that while obedience is important and leads to thriving, it doesn’t shield us from suffering. If a child understands this, he is less likely to blame or turn away from God when suffering comes.
Misconception #2: When bad things happen, God is far away.
Children also often wonder where God is when suffering occurs. What is he doing? Does he even care? We teach our kids that God is good, but he might not seem good when he lets bad things happen. One of the best things we can teach over and over to our children is that God does not change. His character is steadfast. No matter what we are facing, he loves us and wants to be near us. Psalm 46:1 says, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” No matter what kind of trouble we are facing, he is a very present help. He gives us strength and provides us with comfort. It’s also helpful to share with our kids that he hates suffering even more than we do. It’s not the way he designed the world to be. In fact, he hates suffering so much that he gave his Son so we could have a relationship with him. He allowed his Son to suffer the worst kinds of things so that we could be free from the prison of sin and death. And for those of us who are Christians, one day we will say goodbye to suffering forever when we enter our heavenly home.
Misconception #3: Suffering is always punishment for sin.
Children naturally see life circumstances in terms of punishment and reward. Every kid wants to avoid getting in trouble and be praised for accomplishing something good. When suffering comes, a child might automatically think it’s because he is being punished. This is why it’s so important to teach our kids about the nature of suffering. Sometimes suffering does come as a result of our sin. We have to endure consequences when we fall short. But not all suffering happens because we sin. Sometimes suffering occurs when someone sins against us, and sometimes suffering happens because we live in a fallen world. It’s dangerous to believe that all suffering is punishment because it leaves us searching for what we did to deserve our suffering. We question our motives, our character, and even our salvation. When we do this, we may miss the most important truth about it.
The fact is that our suffering should point us back to God.
The fact is that our suffering should point us back to God. When we suffer, we remember that we aren’t perfect. We see clearly that we are not in control. We come face to face with the reality that we are frail and weak. We need someone to rescue us. I’m reminded of the story of Peter walking on the water in Matthew 14:22–33. Peter took his eyes off Jesus because he was afraid, and he began to sink. In that moment he suffered the pain and fear of possible death. Jesus’s immediate response was not to scold Peter for looking away. He reached out his hand and rescued him. The storm didn’t calm until they were back in the boat, and Peter most certainly felt the sting of his wavering faith. But Jesus did not withdraw his love from Peter. He drew him in. And Peter’s moment of suffering helped him remember the power and love of Jesus.
Give Them a Foundation for the Storms of Life
I want parents to know how to talk with their kids about suffering all throughout their upbringing. These conversations will help shape our children’s view of God, and they will create a stabilizing foundation when the storms of life come. Suffering is inevitable, but we can be ready for it. We can prepare our children to turn their eyes toward a loving God when they experience pain, rather than falling into doubt and fear. May we teach our children to echo the words of David: “Blessed be the Lord! For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him” (Ps. 28:6–7).
Beth Broom is the author of 10 Questions About Pain and Suffering: 30 Devotions for Kids, Teens, and Families.
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